Where are you going? Who are you? What is your source of anxiety, frustration or fear? these questions can keep us up at night. One has to know how to ask the right questions to manage your emotions. I always wanted to be a diplomat, proper communication involves diplomacy, and we have to understand each other’s languages. Being diplomatic by nature, I have become my family’s official mediator, my specialization is dispute resolution. When interactions become acrimonious or tense. I schedule mediations between my sisters, brother, parents and friends. In life, we can often forget that the people in our lives cannot read out minds. Feelings can often get hurt. But here are three ways to help you stay afloat in the stormy sea of life.

1. Practice gratitude when you find that you are in a negative frame of mind or feeling down.
2. Empathy or thinking of the other person’s perspective first
3. You can’t control everything, stop trying to.

Let’s break these down.

My first point is being greatful is everything! People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. Lets take a look at how much we complain about things or ruminate over a slight, percieved slight or some offense that happened days ago.

Focusing our gratitude on people for whom we’re thankful rather than circumstances or material items will enhance the benefits we experience. And while you’re at it, why not include others directly into your expression of gratitude? Life is short let others know how you feel about them. This a point that is emphasized in, How to Win Friends and Influence People, telling people how great they are, makes them feel important and valued.

Sometimes the biggest thing that leads us to being dissatisfied with life is not knowing who we are and what we stand for. Sometimes the blueprint of our lives doesn’t match up with what our expectations for our life conditions are. But gratitude brings abundance and we can redirect our focus. Not to get all new age on folks but mindset is everything! According to a Harvard study a positive, optimistic mindset can reduce death from health problems like cancer, heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease, and infection.

Second, let’s elaborate on empathy, a lot of these concepts most of us already know. This one is often harder to do, especially within the heat of the moment. Especially if angry, we are not thinking about the other person, we are on the defense. Putting ourselves in the other persons shoes, is how we learn to truly listen.

“You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.” Recognize that, sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you’ll be much more effective.

The last point when seeking a more harmonious existence. To have the most influence or control, focus on changing your behavior. Be a good role model and set healthy boundaries for yourself. When you have concerns about someone else’s choices, share your opinion, but only share it once. Don’t try to fix people who don’t want to be fixed. Don’t go off the deep end of internalizing what people mean, intend or feel. At the end of the day its all in your head. Most people think more positively about each other than they do negatively.

My sister Patricia informed me the other day that I have always imagined the worst case scenario for everything. I often overreact to simple things if someone makes the wrong face then I assume something is terribly wrong. If I get a phone call instead of a text I assume someone is in the hospital or arrested, lying in a ditch somewhere. Replaying conversations in your head or imagining catastrophic outcomes over and over again isn’t helpful. But solving a problem is.  If something ever did happen you have to have faith that you’re mentally strong enough to bounce back. Acknowledging that you can handle the worst case scenario is how you function in a rational way. Micromanaging is a vicious cycle of doubt and not realizing you can let go and relax.

Bearing these ideas in mind know that you will be okay. Have the fortitude to empathize, let go of the worst case scenario and be grateful for what you have in your life. These three actions are an eqution for harmony and peace. But by practicing all of them you will change your life and be free of anxiety, stress and fear. Trust your instinct and believe in yourself, your future self will thank you.